The Tale of Princess Kasey and the Magical Pony
by LittleQueenx
Summary: My very own fairy tale about a bosy princess and her quest for her dream pony. Not your average fairy tale but funny...i hope. R&R!


**_A/N: Okay this is not your average fairy tale! I wrote it for my dear friend Kasey when she was feeling down. I hope you find it just as funny as we thought it was! Rated for a little language_**

**_DISCLAIMER: Copyright me( u steal i kill))  
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**The Tale of Princess Kasey and the Magical Pony**

Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess named Kasey. She was the fairest princess in all the land… and anyone who said differently was beheaded by her manservant Kyle. So one day Kasey was in her throne room, being fed chocolate, when the king walked in and asked what she wanted for her birthday.

"I want a new pony for my stables. Make sure it's the prettiest pony ever."

So the king ordered his men to Farm Animals R' Us and had them bring back all the ponies to show Princess Kasey. The first one was a beautiful black and white one but it had an overbite so she sent it back. The next one had a dip in its back and that just wouldn't do. For hours Princess Kasey looked at ponies only to send them back. They were too fat or too lumpy, too pink, too big, too European, too not up to her standards.

"WHY HAVEN'T YOU FOUUND ME MY PONY!" she wailed.

"I'm sorry my dear but these were all the ponies we could find. Please don't banish me," pleaded the king. Suddenly a Paige boy jumped to his feet.

"Umm… beg your pardon but I know where you might find the horse your looking for."

"Really?! TELL ME!"

Quickly he rattled off the details of a magic pony that was guarded by a witch and a gnome way up in the mountains of Ohmygodweregonnadie.

"Daddy get your bravest knights. We leave tonight!"

So Kasey and her seven hundred knights in bronze armor set off for Mt. Ohmygodweregonnadie. They traveled across the plains of Lookaduck and through the swamps of Thereisasnakeinmyboot. The brave party stopped only once at a Burger King because Kasey demanded fifteen milkshakes. Finally after what seemed like a life time (that was actually only two and a half hours) they reached the mountains of Ohmygodweregonnadie, but the knights had come to a halt.

"Why have we stopped," she asked.

"We're afraid," answered a knight.

"Fine! I'll go myself! JEEZ! What do I pay you for!?"

""You don't pay us Princess," said a smartass knight. Kasey scowled at him and snaped her figures. Man servant Kyle dragged the knight away to behead them.

"Anyone else got a complaint?"

"NO!"

At daybreak Kasey set off for the magic pony. The pass of Mt. Ohmygodweregonnadie were covered in snow so she had Kyle carry her. They trekked up the pass to the highest peak.

"Where on earth is the witch," she asked. Kyle cleared his throat and pointed to his left where a portly, green,, moldy looking witch sat eating a sub sandwich and watching T.V. You could tell by the dialogue that it was a Spanish soap opera.

"No Maria," the witch screamed." Don't sleep with Jose! He's your brother…'s-best friend's -cousins-girlfriend's-mother's-uncle's-next-door-neighbor-who-moved-away-in-'79-only-to-marry-his-best-friend's-girl-who-later-slit-her-wrist-when-she-found-out-she-had-been-abducted-by-aliens-on-her-vacation-in-Guam-and-was-having-an-alien-baby!" she yelled in one breath. Kasey got off Kyle's back and said," Excuse me? Are you the witch who guards the magical pony?"

"Damn it Maria!" she turned around, noticing Kasey for the first time. "What do you want? Can't you see I'm in the middle of my novella!"

"Um… are you the witch who guards the…"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm Saucepan, the first guard of the magical pony thing."

"Your name is Saucepan?" Kasey asked, slightly confused.

"You got a problem with that," Saucepan challenged, standing up for the first time. She towered a good three feet over Kasey.

"Umm…no. I just thought…"

"Do you want the stupid clue or not 'cause you got three minutes before _Mexican Hat Dance of Passion_ starts."

"Yes! What is it?"

Saucepan took a deep breath and bellowed, "If the pony you do seek then you must find it on your feet. Follow the blue gem and the path of 'not' will yada-yada-yada." Saucepan plopped down in the Lazyboy as Kasey thought it over. Slowly she turned around looking for something that could be the blue gem.

"Is it the door with the blue diamond on it," asked Kyle. Actually it came out more as a mumble because Kyle was missing his tongue.

"Congratulations…now get out of here." Kasey climbed back on Kyle's back, said good bye to Saucepan (who was now screaming in Spanish) and went through the door.

"Nice job Kyle. Please remind me to give back your wife and kids when we get home." Kyle pumped his fist in the air. "Well if your going to be cocky about it I'll just feed them to the man-eating elephants." Kyle frowned.

When they went through the door there was a lovely path of flowers that would lead them to the gnome.

"Wow,"Kasey exclaimed. "What a lovely path of flowers!"

"NOT!" yelled a voice. There was a pop and the path of flowers turned into a path of rotten eggs.

"Oh god! Kyle! Cover my nose!" He did. "What the hell just happened!" Suddenly Kyle dropped dead from the smell. "It is so hard to find good help these days." Kasey got off Kyle and realized that this was the path of 'not', so if she said something nasty it would turn into something pleasant. "Diapers," she yelled.

"NOT!" Boom! A moving path of cute little puppies. Kasey laid down on the puppies and they carried her off to the gnome's layer.

The gnome's layer was a solid gold castle. Kasey knocked on the door and two girls in bikinis opened the door,

"Big Daddy waits for you sista," one said.

"Thanks?" Kasey walked in and followed the purple carpet to the gnome. As she got closer she heard "Gold Digger" blasting. She walked through another set of doors where the gnome sat, dressed like a pimp with two more ladies at his side.

"Yo yo yo! Kasey! What took you so long girl!"  
"How do you know my name?"  
"Big Daddy knows all! Now if you want 'dis pimped out pon-ay you gotta shake 'dat thang!"  
"Excuse me!?!? A princess never shakes anything unless it is her fist!"  
"'Den no pon-ay! Get me sum Crystal!"

Kasey had a dilemma. She really wanted that pony but not enough to shake it for some weird little pimp.

"Fine," she yelled. Big Daddy smiled and Kasey scowled. The music changed and Kasey started to dance. She did the best she could and surprisingly Big Daddy liked it. He clapped and stamped his pimp cane.

"Girl 'dat was the finest dancin' I ever seen! You take 'dis key and shake all the way to the room of the magical pony (yes it has its own room)!"cheered Big Daddy. And Kasey did just that!

When she got to the door she turned the key but that was taking to long so she karate chopped the door and there was the pony! It glowed gold and had silver wings and a crown.

'Hiya! I'm the magical pony Glitter! Let's go for a ride!" Kasey hoped on her back and they flew off Mt. Ohmygodweregonnadie. They flew over Kyle's body and the knights waiting at the opening of Mt. Ohmygodweregonnadie.

"BASTARDS!" she yelled down at them.

"Yes they are," concurred Glitter. They laughed merrily all the way to the kingdom. When they reached the kingdom, Glitter landed gracefully with a thud. Kasey and Glitter ran into the throne room where the king was sitting.

"You found the pony!" he exclaimed.

"Yeah and your fired!"

"What!?!?!?!? I'm the king! You can't do that!"

"Yes I can! Now get out!!' Just then the kings seat threw him up into the air were he was promptly hit by a low flying plane. So with the king out of the way Kasey made herself king. She then married herself and crowned herself queen. And Kasey ruled as king and queen with Glitter and lived happily ever after with their fifty man servants named Kyle one through fifty.

FIN

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hope u liked it! I am writing a sequall so look for that! LOVE U!


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